Real Life: The Relationship Balance

I had a real life friend ask me if I was going to feature Joe, my fiance, in The Man Behind the Blog Series. It’s not the first time I’ve been asked, but it does touch upon an interesting subject that’s definitely related to the column and something that any blogger can sympathize with, whether they’re in a relationship or not — boundaries.

The answer to the question is no, Joe likely won’t ever be featured. You’ll also never see a photo of him, including any photos of us together on our wedding day. It’s his own personal preference, and I completely respect it. But it puts us into some interesting situations when I have chosen to put much more of my own life online! It can be a tough balance to blog authentically and tell you about important parts of my life (especially the parts he’s involved in, which are a lot!), and yet, not reveal as much, because I have his boundaries to consider.

I had lunch with another friend a couple weeks ago, who moved in with her boyfriend fairly recently. As a gal living on her own, she was the consummate host, always putting up out-of-towners on her couch or letting people crash last minute, for as long as they’d like. When she and her guy moved in together, she was quick to do the same, and be as gracious a host as ever (and now one with a spare bedroom!). Her boyfriend, however, soon pointed out that it was his home too, and he’d prefer if she asked him first before hosting people for days at a time. Makes total sense. I guess I’ve had to apply that same logic to the blog. I love you all, very much so, and am happy to host you when it only affects me. When it affects Joe though…I have to ask him first!

I’m the first to admit that I do sometimes wish he wanted to participate in these types of things, and I envy all the ladies whose guys have been featured and will be featured. But I also respect his boundaries, 100%, and would never push them.

If you’re a blogger or a person who put lots of aspects of your life online, how do you handle it when it affects other people, especially friends and family? Are your significant others, friends or family members okay with you sharing their images or very personal stories about them?

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17 Comments

  1. rita wrote:

    so interesting! i am actually a lot like your fiance, but recently started blogging. i’ve found i get the best feedback when i’m more open/personal in my posts, but i’m not necessarily ready to share tons of pictures, etc. yet. i also don’t share a ton on facebook, twitter, etc. and never really have…. so i need to figure out that balance if i continue blogging. but my husband is on the opposite spectrum – he’s always telling me to post more pictures of us/tell more of our stories on the blog! (although he is not a sharer in his life- doesn’t even have a FB account)

    i think it’s awesome that you are honoring joe’s wishes, but also that you are explaining, because i would have wondered where he was as well. thanks for making me think this afternoon!

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  2. Flora wrote:

    Sometimes when I pull out my camera, people will say they don’t want their photos posted on the blog, or they say something about how I’m going to blog about whatever it is we’re doing. But this is not always the case!

    Yes, I do carry my camera around a lot, but I’d say a small fraction of the things I photograph or experience make it to the blog. I don’t like to share everything I do, and I respect my family’s/friends’/husband’s requests to not make my blog an open window into our lives. There’s still so much I can blog about while respecting these boundaries.

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  3. Aretha would be proud of you :)

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  4. I find that my family, friends, and significant other don’t mind when I post good stuff about them. As long as it’s flattering they don’t mind. And I always try to be mindful of how what I post makes them look. If it’s something that doesn’t exactly shine a good light on them, then I try to leave it out.

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  5. This is such an important topic. I never post photos of friends unless they know and agree with it. The husband is up for it, but is camera shy. So while there would be so much more of my ‘life’ on my blog if he was willing to hold still in photos, it’s his decision.

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  6. Brittany wrote:

    Great post! I actually think I e-mailed you about this a while ago asking how much sharing is too much. As for myself and my boyfriend he has the same personal preferences as your fiance. It has been difficult to navigate between how much of my personal life to share on the blog, but it’s refreshing to hear that others have the same struggles as well.

    Thanks!

    Brittany

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  7. Rachel wrote:

    Fantastic post – this really hits close to home :) I appreciate your honest thoughts on this topic and love that you are able to draw the boundary line in your own life.

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  8. Great post – my husband feels the same way. It’s a careful balance :)

    – Sara @ Gameday Stylist

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  9. julia wrote:

    great post victoria! i think it would be much more difficult to draw the line on a blog like yours (lifestyle) rather than a personal style blog (like mine) which is really just about outfit photos and doesn’t really have a place for my bf. good job on keeping yours separate and respecting the boundaries!

    xo julesinflats.com

    5 Sep 2012 · Reply
  10. This is the part of blogging and of relationships we all always forget about it. And don’t worry, I’ve begged Spencer to participate. He’s not interested. I suppose just because we decide to put our lives though there, doesn’t mean they did too.

    6 Sep 2012 · Reply
  11. Beth wrote:

    Great post! This is a constant battle in my home. I understand. It’s also good to know that their are other people that struggle with the same issues.

    6 Sep 2012 · Reply
  12. Ethan has never complained, but if he did I would immediately remedy my actions. He’s really a private person, but I was blogging before we met, so he knew what he was signing up for! My family supports my efforts, and they trust I’m going to treat my online community just like my real-life community. Simon (my dog) maybe the only one not okay with the personal features…I give him lots of treats to compensate him though. =)

    6 Sep 2012 · Reply
  13. Ranu wrote:

    This is great, Victoria. Everyone has different perspectives on blogging and how much to share, and I respect both sides–sharing every detail, and very few. Totally understand what it’s like when others in your life prefer not to be named (my bf feels the same!) but that doesn’t mean you can’t still write about personal things and make a blog your own. Love that you tackled this topic!

    23 Sep 2012 · Reply
  14. Alex wrote:

    Very interesting post. As a new blogger, I’m currently deciding those boundries. So far, I’ve only written about personal stories and haven’t included any names of my friends or family. But I often wonder how long I’ll be able to tell those stories for until I run out or my readers no longer care to listen to me… xo A

    29 Nov 2012 · Reply
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