Last week I got an email from Meg inviting me to participate in the Things I’m Afraid to Tell You movement. Initially started by Jess, then taken to a whole new level by Ez, you may have seen a few of these posts on blogs in the last week or two. When I got Meg’s email asking me and many others to write our own Things I’m Afraid to Tell You post, I was hesitant, then, before I could think about it too much more, wrote her back and agreed to do it. Locked in. So here we go…
1. I am extraordinarily hard on myself. Sometimes to the point that when I take a step back and think about it, I worry that no matter what I do in life, it’ll never be enough. Which leads to more philosophical questions: What if I continue pursuing the ‘next big thing’ so much that happiness eludes me? I’ve noticed I rarely celebrate or even realize when I reach my goals. What if I become (or already am) incapable of stopping to smell the roses, as it were? If life just passes me by and I don’t appreciate it?
2. There will come a day when I decide not to blog here anymore. Yikes. Definitely something I’m afraid to tell you. But do I envision being 45 or 50 (okay, even 35 or 40) and still writing 8 posts a week? Mmm, not so much. It’s not that I don’t love blogging here — I do! But beyond the obvious time commitment and the creative energy expended, there is a part of me that looks forward to a time where the blog world won’t add to the pressure I already place on myself.
3. I am terrified of failure. In any way, shape, or size. It stems from my horrible control freak tendencies (which is another one of these posts in and of itself!). I could’ve knocked out a to-do list 20 items deep on a Monday, but if the 21st item isn’t checked off, in my head, it’s a failure. If we get to the airport late and miss our flight: failure (this has happened. You would not have wanted to be near me. I’m sorry, Joe). Writing this post has been excruciating, because in my head, it means admitting my failings. I guess in that sense, it’s been really good therapy! The ironic thing is, I’m also scared that I’ll fail to ever get over my fear of failure.
4. I want to inspire people to follow their goals and their dreams and live the life they’ve imagined for themselves. But with the online world, it’s so easy to share the good, less glamorous to share the bad. I sometimes worry that I don’t share enough about my bad days or my own real life to give people an accurate, full picture of who I am, and that I contribute to the “your life must be like this in order to be perfect” mindset. My life is certainly not perfect, and is definitely not glamorous. See number 6 for more on this.
5. Related caveat: I struggle with wanting to share real things about my life and my past with you. Most of the struggle comes from the fact that friends and family and other real life people don’t sign up to be a part of your blog when you publish your first post, so I don’t always feel comfortable talking about these aspects of my life. In real life, I am an open book, and sometimes, I feel like such a phoney for withholding things that could potentially help people, or, at the very least, provide some color on my imperfect life. I realize this is an ironic thing to share given the theme of this post and the series…so for now, I will share that I don’t like feeling like a phoney with you, and often wish I could paint the full picture.
6. The miscellaneous things: Lately my house is perpetually messy. I often forget to eat lunch. An 11 hour day is a short one. I’m averaging 4 to 5 showers a week. I rarely make the bed anymore. Most days at home, I change out of pajamas into new ones. I don’t currently have the disposable income to go shopping all the time, and buy pretty things for my closet or my home. I worry about making money and contributing to my household, constantly. I don’t cook as much as I used to.
7. A lighthearted thing: I’m really not a fan of Zooey Deschanel…like at all. I have to mute the TV every time I hear her asking Siri if it’s freaking raining.
8. The meta thing: I re-wrote this post three times, and collectively, it probably took me at least 4 hours to complete.
Thanks so much for reading this. Below are some of the other women participating in this second wave of Things I’m Afraid to Tell you today — please stop by and read their words:
Cassie: Coco + Kelley / Christine: Court & Hudson / Caitlin: Sacramento Street / Roxy: My Cup of Te / Crystal: Blog / Meg: MIMI+MEG / Ashlina: The Decorista / Katie: Modern Eve / Erin: Apartment 34 / Erica: Design Blahg / Christine: Miles to Style / Franki: Life in a Venti Cup / Sue: The Zhush / Erika: Radiant Republic / Gabrielle: Savvy Home / Monika: The Doctor’s Closet / Naomi: Design Manifest /Tobe: Because It’s Awesome / Becca: {extra}ordinary wonders / Lynzy: Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha: Hitha On The Go / Sarah: Note To Self / Liz: So Much To Smile About / Sarah: Blogstar / Alissa: The Goods Design / Jessie: Style & Pepper / Erika: Small Shop Studio / AV: Long Distance Loving / Maggie: Maggie Rose Blog / Nicole: The City Girl In Me / Priscilla: The Best Laid Plans / Jen: Concrete Jungle DC / Janelle: Food Fashion Fitness / Natalie: East Coast Chic
And, if you really need to keep it real today, here are the bloggers that participated in Ez’s first wave:
Design for Mankind | Little Brown Pen | Beautiful Hello | Curating Style | Sweet Fine Day | The Jealous Curator | Happy Days | Sage & Berries | Really Handmade | Peck Life | Satsuma Press | Rena Tom | For the Easily Distracted |The Hemborg Wife | Vitamini Handmade | Courtney Khail Stationery and Design | Meg in Progress | Dando Photography Blog | Widdershins22 | Alison Citron | Pink Moon Daily | Just Pretty Things | From China Village | Tea with Me | The Darling Ewe | Not Your Average Ordinary | The Electric Typewriter | Elleby Design | Parsimonia {Secondhand With Style} | Life as an Artistpreneur | Hello Cupcake | Dellie | The A &B Stories | Pretty Little Things | Feistyelle | Nib & Zed | Well and Cheaply | I Ripple. I Dance. | Whitfield Awesome Blog | Foxtrot Press | Dry As Toast | The List of Now | Apple Blue | For the Love of | Four Flights of Fancy | Miss Modish | Snapshots & Secrets | Dirty Laundry |Bubby & Bean | Penelope’s Press | Little Nostalgia | Vale Design | Pikaland | Fleurishing | Print Pretty | Vespa Tales | Hazel & Agnes | Amanda’s Musings | Mo’ Funk Designs | Ordinary Mommy | Camp 1899 | In Honor of Design | Liberty’s Yarn | Love, Life & Pictures | Stacey Winters | Owl in the Rain | Living Life Creatively | Emma Elizabeth Clease | I Live in Vacouver Now | British Cream Tea
Kind of powerful, no?
{Image Credit: Creature Comforts}
Loved reading these V, you are such a lovely lady with amazing things to offer to the world!
Awesome post. Thanks for sharing. Zooey Deschanel drives me batty too. Her voice is fake, right? My boyfriend Joe does a mean Zooey impression… but I still watch new girl despite her annoying me because I laugh more than I am annoyed :)
Joe and I call her Kermit. Because she really sounds like Kermit the frog.
Thanks for sharing, Victoria. One thing I’ve really worked on this year is being kinder to myself. I’m trying to find a way to be motivated and successful without bullying myself too. It’s hard. Here’s to all of us finding a bit of balance!
I am loving this series. It reminds me that I am not alone and that we as bloggers, and people for that matter, are more similar than we think we are. Thanks so much for sharing!
I absolutely love this series. It makes people realize that blogging isn’t all warm and fuzzy. If a wave 3 happens, I need to jump on board. Really love this.
Just be real because you are “perfectly Victoria” and you have no other person you need to be…and I think Victoria is pretty darn special!! xoxo
I feel the same way about Zooey Deschanel as well! And your #6 – I LIVE that, girl. There’s no shame in living in PJs, ordering in all the time, and working all day and night. Take advantage of a work-from-home perk and indulge in a midday bubble bath – it works WONDERS, I promise. Thank you for sharing!
i love your honesty in this post victoria; and please don’t stop blogging any time soon — you’re one of my favourite daily reads! xx
You’re so sweet. Thank you!
I loved the one about Zooey Deschanel…LOL. I actually like that particular commercial, but in general don’t care too much for her.
Also – I don’t think you need to worry about being phoney per se – whether it’s in real life or online, it’s human nature to show a particular side of yourself, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re being fake.
Thanks for being brave enough to share!
you are amazing, and i am so so happy to call you a friend. we need an Emotional Wellness Pact to help us be kinder to ourselves. oxox
EWP for OAA, FTW!
I feel the same way on so much of this!
Loved reading this and just have to say, I am terrible at eating lunch (will get to it at 4 pm), I usually get dressed at like 5 pm before Ryan gets home, and I also cannot STAND Zooey Deschanel. There’s more I relate to, but in those we are twins ;)
This is a great post!!
As bloggers we are all innately Type A personalities, go-getters, non-quitters. So rest assured that we all feel you on these points! You are not alone. I think as we get older we get more comfortable with the fact that it’s ok that we aren’t perfect all the time. We do what we can. And as long as we and those we love are happy, what else really matters?
Thank you for your honesty today!
I love this series Victoria. And I agree with you about not always blogging here. I’ve thought a lot about that lately too. Very honest post.
Blogs have to have an exit strategy. It’s inevitable, right? It’s only something I started thinking about recently. I think considering it can put things in context for you, and help you map out a plan.
i really enjoy reading this link-up..not because I like to see what your individual insecurity is, but because it shows us another side of blogging that isn’t always talked about. we’re human, why are we afraid to admit it ?
I agree!! I’m going to work on this, both personally and here on the blog.
I’m sad you don’t like Zooey, but we can still be friends : ) I know the majority of bloggers out there are overly hard on themselves, put too much on their plates, take huge leaps of faith but are terrified of failure. HELLO – you just described me.
But that’s what’s so great about this community – and why so many of us chose to sign up for this day of “airing” – because we can all relate!
And I should add, I’m extremely proud of what you’re doing. Keep. It. Up.
I think its great that you guys are sharing this stuff…being a newer blogger I feel all these things x 1000 because I don’t have that many blogging accomplishments to show for all the late nights and stress filled hours staring at the computer. For me every little comment or nice email is huge and means more to me than I care to admit.
You should be so proud of yourself for creating such a amazing community on your blog. Just know that there are soooo many out there that look up to you (myself included)
Kate
http://www.theforgetfulwife.com
Thank you, Kate. So much.
You nailed it with #6 and made me laugh with #7. Thanks for sharing with such openness and honesty!
love this victoria!!! and especially the zooey deschanel comment :) cracked me up when you told me she was your “miley horse mouth”. hope you had a great weekend!
xo
You’re amazing, and it sucks being an overachiever, and I hate the siri commercial. So glad you participated in this! Also, cook more.
♡ Lexi
FASHION: Glitter & Pearls
WEDDINGS: Glitter Weddings
AGHHH!!! I love your honesty about working from home. Are we lucky? Well, yes if you call rotating PJs and semi-consistant grooming with minimal clothing funds… HAHA. Thanks for your authentic voice. Adore this movement.
Oh, I love reading everything you write!! I can totally relate to the working form home thing. I did it for six months, and I started out great and then did the whole no shower/new PJ thing. It does NOT make you a bad person though (at least not in my book)!!!
The fear of failure thing? Over here too. In my end of year review my boss told me that I was ridiculously and impossibly hard on myself and afraid of failing. *He did say that I make his job really easy though because he never has to worry about me really screwing anything up, so there’s that at least… :)
Have a great week!!!
I can relate to so many of these things Victoria! I can’t get enough of reading these posts. It’s nice to hear we’re not alone in our fears.
Loved reading this and #3 at the end … so funny. Love your humor and honesty.
xxx
Lovely I know how hard it was to share those things but I think you did an outstanding job. I think a lot of us are extremely hard on ourselves and afraid of failure. I also think that these are characteristics that you would probably find in most successful entrepreneurs. Just do whatever’s best and I know there will be a million people supporting you at the other end. Oh and even though some people have said that Deschanel is my dopelganger, I still think we can be great friends :)
Trust, even if y’all are dopelgangers, you could never, ever annoy me like Zooey does!
And this post makes me like you so much more Victoria!!!! It’s so refreshing to see you put this up, and the fact that you re-wrote it 3 times is such a laugh for me, it sounds like something I would do. I love the realness and honesty behind the miscellaneous topics. As readers, and bloggers we sometimes get one idea of the bloggers life based on their beautiful blogs without thinking they have real-people days….absolutely LOVE what you shared with your readers :)
i don’t know how we’re not best friends yet, but after this post, i’m pretty sure we should be. on a lighthearted note, i struggle with wanting to smack zooey upside the head when i see her (did you watch 500 days of summer? i wanted to physically hurt her!). on a deeper note, i relate every little possible thing you said here. showers. pj’s. failure. caveats. ALL of it. so the next time i’m in SF, we’re hanging out. you don’t really have a choice. SO glad you were a part of this! xo
absolutely adore reading this and this concept; so similar to Vent Sesh (and the link up I have wanted to do for ages and not had the time, haha). Love learning more about you… we sound pretty similar. :)
This just made me adore you even more than I already do. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that you are not perfect! Oh I so thought you were. You’re pretty gosh darn close though my friend. Don’t be so hard on yourself – you’re so beyond incredible!
Ha. Hahahahaha. I find it so, so flattering and also kind of hilarious that you think I’m perfect. Because I think you’re perfect! Seriously. Mad photo/design skills, great taste, gorgeous girl. Isn’t it funny how we can’t see in ourselves what others see in us?
i loved reading everything about you– but i have to be honest— the zooey d thing was my favorite- that commercial DRIVES ME INSANE!
I loved this post! so honest. I think we all struggle with #1-3. But we’ll get where we want to be, and that is to be happy. as simple as that.
This whole movement has made me feel so relieved knowing many of you share my same thoughts.
I think TH was beginning to get tired of me getting so down on myself. He was starting to think maybe I should just stop blogging because all I was doing was comparing myself and feeling like what I was doing wasn’t enough.
This really put things into perspective.
Literally, EVERYONE is. I’m working on constantly reminding myself why I started this blog…because I wanted a place to share what inspired me, and to help me be creative. I hope yours does the same for you! Slash, I would cry if I didn’t get your hilarious posts in my Reader each day.
Loved this! Number 5 is me to a tee! And 8 too…I love how this excercise in disclosure is allowing us all to see ourselves in each other…the ZD thing? Number 7 had me laughing out loud…my husband literally leaves the room when she comes on with that “order in soup” commercial, but my 12 year old is obsessed with her. So there you have it!:)
goodness, goodness, goodness! I can’t tell you how much I wanted to reach out and give you a hug after reading number one. I have so much to be grateful for and I have had to MAKE MYSELF stop and celebrate, albeit half-heartedly, Society Social’s milestones. For me, I immediately think of- How am I going to sustain this? What if I can’t beat sales next month? Then like you, “what have I turned into?” “will I ever be enough?” It’s a scary thought! And EXHAUSTING. If you ever need to chat it out, you know who to look for :) Thanks for being so honest, Victoria!! Love this little movement!
So many great truths here…like when blogging will come to an end {personally} and being hard on yourself. I can relate to so many of these. Thanks for sharing!! xo
Your such a doll, I know that must have been hard to write but you did it beautifully, and it only makes me adore you more. I can relate to so much. So thank you for being so real.
And I owe you an email so we can set up some time. It eats at me, and I’m sorry, I have been overwhelmed with my to do list. There’s my confession. xo
wow! I loved this! I have REALLY been enjoying reading these posts on everyone’s blogs. But I can especially relate to yours. Wow. I really feel like a lot of those things you just said are quite the manifestation of my thoughts EXACTLY. Especially and I mean really especially the FIRST point you made! Wow. Oh and the control freak part :)
You’re amazing Victoria!!
xoxo,
brightom
http://www.brightontheday.com
I think this may be the first time I’ve commented, but I’ve been reading for a while. Loving this series spreading across blogland. I was particularly struck by your #2. I’ve thought about that myself. When will I stop blogging? Will there come a time when I feel too old for it and feel like I have to stop if I want to avoid being the weird old lady that still blogs? Or will blogging evolve with our generation? Or will I voluntarily stop sooner than I think? Who knows! I’m just rolling with it for now and glad to see you do the same. :)
I’m sorry I didn’t comment when I first read this post. I think the Things I’m Afraid To Tell You movement is incredible and am so glad you joined. Thank you for having the courage to share these things, in particular #2. Blogging is definitely hard work! I have come to really appreciate this space, so I would be sad when/if you ever decide to stop.